LAM.\u00a0\u00a0<\/a>At the time, I thought I\u2019d be fortunate if I were able to live 10 years. I am more optimistic today, but still look at every new year as a total gift \u2013 one God didn\u2019t have to grant me.<\/p>\nEvery day, every breath \u2013 a gift.<\/p>\n
But I\u2019m also reminded almost every day that I am not exactly healthy. The worst \u2013 the VERY worst thing about LAM thus far has been the slow revelation that I cannot sing like I used to. Last week in church the worship leader picked out the best, most awe-inspiring worship songs ever and as I tried to belt out the alto part, I lost my breath. A lot. I was gasping for air and had to stop singing. Then came a coughing fit. This now happens every week in church.<\/p>\n
Those that know me best know how I adore music. It\u2019s always playing in our home, my car, my head. When we built our dream home (that we later sold – to live more simply so others could simply live) I told my husband I wanted central stereo more than I wanted central plumbing! (He graciously granted me both.) I like ALL things musical \u2013 instrumental music, piano, orchestra, opera, concerts, musicals AND all genres of singers\/bands. On one playlist I have Maroon 5, Queen, the Civil Wars, Lady Antebellum and Mercy Me \u2013 no joke. Our last two music concerts were Justin Timberlake and Ben Rector. If it has a musical note attached, I\u2019ll listen. And, despite a ridiculous high probability I\u2019ll get the words wrong, I\u2019ll ALWAYS sing along!!!<\/p>\n
The thing is, this past Sunday, when I lost my breath and couldn\u2019t continue singing, we were smack-dab in the middle of How Great Thou Art \u2013 the place in the song with that bone-tingling crescendo. You know it. No one can help but belt out this line: THEN SINGS MY SOUL, MY SAVIOR GOD TO THEE\u2026<\/p>\n
Did you hear that? How amazing is that??? My voice need not sing, because:<\/p>\n
THEN SINGS MY SOUL!!!<\/em><\/p>\nOh the joy I felt! My soul can sing! Forever and ever amen \u2013 NO DISEASE can ever stop my soul from singing!!<\/p>\n
At that moment, I noticed that both my husband (to my left) and my daughter (to my right) were singing at the top of their <\/em>lungs: THEN SINGS MY SOUL, MY SAVIOR GOD TO THEE\u2026. A row behind us was a rich, full baritone voice harmonizing in the bass clef. Somewhere, very close by, because all I could do was listen at this point, I heard a powerful soprano singing at the top of her<\/em> lungs. She gave me chills. And the \u201cchoir\u201d surrounding me there in church seemed to be encircling me, saying, \u201cNo worries, Cindy, we got you covered.\u201d<\/p>\nThey did not know it, but they were carrying me that day \u2013 they helped me feel<\/em> and know<\/em> the music and assured me that I always have been, and always will be able to say to my God: How Great Thou Art.<\/p>\nEven though, to us (our entire family), life feels like it may always be a series of loss upon loss upon loss from here on out, miraculously, there also seems to be an invisible net that keeps us from falling \u2013 splat \u2013 onto the cement bottom of life. With every loss, I truly anticipated the fall – hitting hard pavement – splayed out and bloody with zero chance of recovery.<\/p>\n
But it never happened.<\/p>\n
Somehow, some supernatural hand grabbed me from my belt loops and snatched me up and carried me back to the functioning world.<\/p>\n
Many times I didn\u2019t want to keep functioning. Sometimes I felt the darkness of depression sneaking in and it made me want to scream at people or at the very least, ignore them. Sometimes I wanted to stay in bed all day and pretend Heidi is still alive. Sometimes, still, I want to run and run and run and see if my lungs will explode. Sometimes I want to run far away and move to Aix-en-Provence, France and just pretend the problems of this world aren\u2019t real.<\/p>\n
But that same supernatural hand that reached down and pulled me from certain pavement splattering, draws me back with supernatural power to life.<\/p>\n
He tells me it will all be worth it in the end \u2013 that all this pain and suffering is not wasted if I choose to grow from it. He lovingly shows me all the things that make life worth living for \u2013 even if I can\u2019t sing anymore. He sweetly reminds me that if I\u2019m still living, then I\u2019m supposed to be here.<\/p>\n
Five years later. Another pre-Thanksgiving day \u2013 another reminder that my lungs are giving out on me. But it also reminds me that my soul shall never cease the singing of His praises. No one can ever snatch that away from me.<\/p>\n
And for that, I can truly be thankful.<\/p>\n
THEN SINGS MY SOUL,<\/em>
\nMY SAVIOR GOD TO THEE, <\/em>
\nHOW GREAT THOU ART,<\/em>
\nHOW GREAT THOU ART<\/em>
\n\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"Five years ago today I found out I\u2019m dying. People try to make me feel better by saying: \u201cAren\u2019t we all?\u201d But five years ago today, they told me I had a lung disease that would most likely take my life many years prematurely. Since that dreadful pre-Thanksgiving day in 2013, I\u2019ve learned a lot […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"nf_dc_page":"","om_disable_all_campaigns":false,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"_genesis_hide_title":false,"_genesis_hide_breadcrumbs":false,"_genesis_hide_singular_image":false,"_genesis_hide_footer_widgets":false,"_genesis_custom_body_class":"","_genesis_custom_post_class":"","_genesis_layout":"","_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[15,20,23,33,36,1],"tags":[],"yoast_head":"\n
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