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{"id":4332,"date":"2023-04-13T20:56:02","date_gmt":"2023-04-13T20:56:02","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/cindydeboer.com\/?p=4332"},"modified":"2023-04-13T20:56:06","modified_gmt":"2023-04-13T20:56:06","slug":"leaky-breasts-and-other-hot-messes","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/cindydeboer.com\/2023\/04\/13\/leaky-breasts-and-other-hot-messes\/","title":{"rendered":"Leaky Breasts and Other Hot Messes"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
Recently, while at work at the psychiatric hospital, I caught a glimpse of myself in a patient\u2019s bathroom mirror and noticed a large wet spot on my t-shirt just below my left breast. It was an odd location for a spill, but I chalked it up to my clumsiness and threw on a hoodie to conceal the spot. But minutes later, I felt wetness on my right side, too. I snuck away into the bathroom and peered under my sweatshirt. Sure enough, just like a breast-feeding mama who forget to put her nursing pads in place, I had two huge wet spots under both my breasts.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
My heart picked up pace and I felt flushed. Something was wrong. Very wrong. Not only can I not even REMEMBER those breast-feeding days, my chemo-riddled body is decidedly void of hormones that might stimulate lactation.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Now, a psych hospital is a dizzying busy place that offers no time to \u201cdeal\u201d with such a situation. I pressed on in my work and did my best to feign a \u201ccaring nurse.\u201d Honestly, I didn\u2019t care about anybody anymore \u2013 I just wanted to know why the heck my boobs were leaking! My t-shirt grew more and more soggy as my shift wore on. I secretly took my pulse, temperature, and blood pressure. All normal. I tried to convince myself I was fine. But as soon as I could steal a minute away, I Googled, \u201cWhy are my post-menopausal breasts leaking?\u201d My heart sank as I discovered there\u2019s no reason EVER that old ladies\u2019 boobs should leak. Except cancer.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I don\u2019t know how I made it through those 8 hours at work. I was certain I had cancer and I was certain this was the beginning of my end.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Once home, I shared me news with Paul and told him it had to be cancer. We shared a few somber moments of quiet fear. This wasn\u2019t the first time I\u2019d been certain of pending doom, but this time really did feel ominous.<\/p>\n\n\n