We became empty nesters last August. Because I feared boredom and purposelessness – as well as the fact my medications cost an astronomical amount and my employment offers better prescription coverage – I decided to go back to work full-time. Additionally, after shelving my career for 20 years to raise kids, I was excited to get back into nursing \u2013 especially psychiatric nursing.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

At least that\u2019s what I told people.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Another truth is this: I had a big \u2018ole chip on my shoulder.\nI was hell-bent on proving that I physically had what it takes to work a\nfulltime job like any other healthy 53 year old.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And I did it. I showed myself and the world I can work\nfull-time. But I am definitely not healthy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I also proved I was living in denial.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The truth is I have a lung-sucking disease and working full\ntime has nearly been the death of me. I kept the job afloat, but nothing else.\nFor seven months I\u2019ve basically done two things: work and sleep. With zero\nenergy left after a day of work, and every day home spent sleeping, I soon felt\nthe sting of deteriorating relationships. I didn\u2019t Skype my kids as much as\nI\/they wanted to. I didn\u2019t spend near enough time with my mom \u2013 our last living\nparent \u2013 and I missed her. I had no energy for lunch dates with friends or volunteering\nin our neighborhood.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Although my pulmonologist says exercise is essential for\nprotecting the last bit of healthy lung tissue I have left, I\u2019ve had no energy\nto do that either. On top of all THAT, I\u2019m now probably damned to hell, too,\nbecause I only went to church ONCE that whole time of working so much.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And maybe, just maybe, the worst part was this:  I stopped writing.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

SMELLY PEOPLE GOT ME BACK ON TRACK                                                       <\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

I recently scooted in to my neighborhood Dollar Store that\u2019s\nsandwiched between an Iraqi-owned liquor store and a Psychic Angel who takes\nwalk-ins. I was running late (surprise!) and I sighed in frustration when I got\nto the counter and was fourth in line. (The Dollar Store is not typically known\nfor it\u2019s speedy checkout, if you didn\u2019t know\u2026) First in line was a toothless\nwoman, smacking her gums, buying a full week\u2019s worth of groceries. ARE YOU KIDDING ME??? <\/em>The next lady\nsported a good five-day bed-head, wore pink footed pajamas underneath her coat\nand boots, and was purchasing four 2-liters of Mountain Dew. AT 9:30 IN THE MORNING??? <\/em>The guy just\nahead of me was lugging his oxygen tank, breathing like Darth Vader, and buying\ncough syrup, cough drops and fever medicine. LORD, PLEASE LET THIS NOT BE CORONA!!!<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

My three compatriots smelled like cigarettes, booze, bacon, and\nbody odor.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I rolled my eyes and checked my watch. These neighbors of\nmine who shop at the Dollar Store to meet all their needs were making me (more)\nlate. I was angry and somewhat disgusted with them. Then the old man ahead of\nme turned around, and with twinkling eyes and a smile said: \u201cGood thing no\none\u2019s in a hurry.\u201d His breath was so hideous I nearly fainted. But God used all\nthose smells<\/em> to reorient me. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

A few years ago, when we moved to the city, I chose my new\ngrocery store in an unorthodox manner. There are two lovely stores close to our\nhome – always clean, well-stocked, nice checkout clerks. But just to the north,\nthrough the roughest part of our neighborhood, is one of Michigan\u2019s oldest\nMeijer stores \u2013 but it doesn\u2019t smell quite right. There have been murders in\nthe parking lot. With my first visit, I immediately knew this would be my new\n\u201chome\u201d store. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Paul was inquisitive about this decision and I explained,\n\u201cWe came here for diversity. I don\u2019t want to smell perfume and flowers when I\ngo shopping, I want to smell humanity.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Standing in line at the Dollar Store I was struck by how\nderailed I\u2019ve been. THESE three in line ahead of me are my people! These are\nthe people we moved here for! These are the smells I love because it represents\nREAL people with REAL needs and REAL hurts. I don\u2019t want to live in a fake\nutopia. I want to live in the real world and be constantly reminded of the\nreality of suffering. That is why we moved to Grand Rapids \u2013 to DO LIFE with\nthese neighbors.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

More than anything, we moved to the city so we could\nencounter people not like us and spend time with them and learn from them. The\nLAST thing I wanted to be was too busy, too important, or too good to love\nthem! The LAST thing Paul and I ever wanted to be were typical rat-race-suburbanites\nsimply transplanted to the city and subsequently disgusted with the people\naround us!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I had been derailed! I forgot who I was!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

REMEMBER WHO YOU ARE,\nAND WHOSE YOU ARE<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Feeling fairly healthy these last seven years, I\u2019d forgotten\na bargain I\u2019d made with God. When I was first diagnosed with LAM, I had told\nGod I\u2019d live my life solely investing in the lives of others if he\u2019d just give\nme 10 more years to live. But as time progresses and it appears maybe I\u2019ve\ndrawn the long stick with this LAM disease and might even live considerably\nlonger than 10 years, I forgot about living my life with total intentionality. Sure,\nI can make good money working, but there\u2019s not a damn thing I want in this life\nthat money can buy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And then \u2013 dang \u2013 if God didn\u2019t use ZEPHANIAH of all books\nto speak to me this week: \u201cI will bring such distress on all people that they\nwill grope about like those who are blind, because they have sinned against the\nLord. Their blood will be poured out like dust and their entrails like dung.\nNeither their silver nor their gold will be able to save them on the day of the\nLord\u2019s wrath.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I had made plenty of \u201csilver and gold\u201d during my derailment,\nbut I\u2019m terrified of the thought of my entrails spread out like dung because I\nhad chosen money over matter.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

THE BEAUTY OF\nDERAILMENT<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

However, the good news is this: derailment does not have to mean\ntrain wreck. It doesn\u2019t mean all is lost. It doesn\u2019t mean throw in the towel or\nburn it all down. The beauty of derailment is that, if we\u2019re willing, it can be\ncorrected.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

God never moves, but sometimes we do. His train tracks are\neternally secure, we just sometimes veer off them. But he is always patient\nwith us and will wait as long as it takes for us to get back on track.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cLet us examine and probe our ways, and let us return to the\nLord.\u201d Lamentations 3:40<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cAnd I am confident of this very thing, that he who begun a\ngood work in you will be faithful to complete it until the day of Jesus\nChrist.\u201d Phillipians 1:6<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So I\u2019m back to volunteering, spending time with friends and\nfamily, and taking long walks with Paul while we solve the world\u2019s problems.\nAnd I\u2019m back to writing again. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Here we go!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

(p.s. If you want to stay informed of my book progress,\nplease sign up with your e-mail address on my website so you can receive my\nnewsletter updates and prayer requests)<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

We became empty nesters last August. Because I feared boredom and purposelessness – as well as the fact my medications cost an astronomical amount and my employment offers better prescription coverage – I decided to go back to work full-time. Additionally, after shelving my career for 20 years to raise kids, I was excited to […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"nf_dc_page":"","om_disable_all_campaigns":false,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"_genesis_hide_title":false,"_genesis_hide_breadcrumbs":false,"_genesis_hide_singular_image":false,"_genesis_hide_footer_widgets":false,"_genesis_custom_body_class":"","_genesis_custom_post_class":"","_genesis_layout":"","_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[10,11,23,33,36],"tags":[],"yoast_head":"\n