So, just to be clear, when I say \u201cclean out the refrigerator\u201d, I\u2019m simply referring to dumping moldy-oldies and just scanning the interior to make sure no living creature will crawl out at you when you reach inside. I am NOT talking about cleaning under or behind the beast. For me, that is done approximately: NEVER. So far, 29 years of being an independent refrigerator owner and NOT ONCE have I cleaned behind one!<\/p>\n

\n
1. Organize closets<\/span>: When you can\u2019t shut them.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n
   \n
   1. Wash walls<\/span>: Do you eat off your walls? Do you lick your walls? Do you prepare your meals on your walls? Do you unthaw your frozen meat on your walls? Do you fold your clean laundry on your walls? Do you change your baby’s diaper on the wall? I rest my case. There is absolutely no reason whatsoever to wash walls. Every 10 – 15 years you will repaint them anyway. Good enough.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n
      \n
      1. Vacuum under the bed<\/span>: Unless you have a dog who sometimes eats food she shouldn\u2019t which makes her a little psychotic to the point of thinking that the under-bed space is actually a doggy doo-doo zone and leaves you a mess that ferments for several days before you discover it, there really is no reason to vacuum under the beds. I claim \u201coutta sight, outta mind\u201d for this one.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n
         \n
         1. Professionally clean carpets<\/span>: Do NOT waste your time OR your money on this scam! (I\u2019m pretty sure the government owns both the carpet cleaning industry and the dry cleaning industry. They are both fake covers to extract more money from the unsuspecting American public by pretending to do something that is purely bogus! Surely by now, in our advanced human evolution, we ALL realize that dry cleaners simply step out back, shake out the garments, and then throw them in a funky-smelling plastic bag proclaiming, \u201cVoila! Clean!\u201d Likewise, I guarantee you that one hot minute after the carpet cleaner\u2019s truck pulls out of your driveway, the Kirby vacuum cleaner saleswoman could bust into your house and suck up mounds and mounds of disgusting dirt, lint, and dog hair from your \u201cclean\u201d carpets and furniture making you feel that somehow you don\u2019t love your family well for being so dirty and that what you really want to do is spend ten times too much on a vacuum cleaner. Let me save you the HEADACHE: do NOT bother with EITHER ploy to get you to pay for something unnecessary! I promise you, that little Eureka Wind-Tunnel that your grandma bought you for $59 at Walgreens and proudly gifted to you at your bridal shower a mere 28 years ago\u2026 she still works juuuuuuuust fine! Fine, I\u2019m sure of it! Have faith!)<\/em><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

            Carpet cleanliness in America is so overrated. Go ride your bike with your kid in this glorious spring weather \u2013 something terribly underrated.<\/p>\n

            \n
            1. And last but not least: Dog Care<\/span>. I just read an article on spring-cleaning for your pets \u2013 a serious exposition on why my dog Buddy needs extra special attention at this time of year, too. Well, let me save you those wasted hours as well, my friends. My<\/em> special secret that only takes a few seconds<\/em> and keeps Buddy smelling April-fresh year-round: spray her frequently with spring-scented Febreeze! While the manufacturer and PETA probably do not endorse this practice, it could very well be the best spring-cleaning tip I can give you!<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

               (I initially learned of the spring-cleaning concept from the Dutch Master herself, my Grandma Visser, who single-handedly raised the bar on the phrase \u201cDutch clean.\u201d I\u2019m noticing a bit of a cold sweat here as I contemplate posting this possibly too-honest list\u2026. She was also a very large, very candid woman who made me cry on more than one occasion simply by speaking her mind. I believe I\u2019m hearing her voice posthumously in my head right now \u2013 \u201cGirl! Have you no shame???\u201d Well, probably not, Grandma. Probably not.)<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

               When I found out I had a disease that would likely reduce my years on this planet significantly, I wasted no time and jumped into conservation mode by eliminating things from my life that are not important, not necessary, or just no fun. I\u2019m trying to focus my time and energy on things that really […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":69,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"nf_dc_page":"","om_disable_all_campaigns":false,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"_genesis_hide_title":false,"_genesis_hide_breadcrumbs":false,"_genesis_hide_singular_image":false,"_genesis_hide_footer_widgets":false,"_genesis_custom_body_class":"","_genesis_custom_post_class":"","_genesis_layout":"","_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[11,23,32,36],"tags":[110],"yoast_head":"\n