<\/a>It has been a year since I was diagnosed with Lymphangioleiomyomatosis (LAM) a helluva stupid lung disease that is slowly consuming my lung tissue and sucking the life from me. There is no cure. It has been a hard year \u2013 and my disease has progressed even though I specifically, repeatedly, desperately asked God to not let that happen – and I feel constantly compelled to reexamine my life and it\u2019s meaning. Last year, on Christmas Eve, I wrote a blog entitled \u201cIf I Only had 10 More Years to Live<\/a>\u201d \u2013 and how having a potentially terminal illness changed my life\u2019s goals almost immediately. Living with this diagnosis for a year and letting that reality sink in has taught me even more – and I felt compelled to update that \u201cbucket list\u201d.
\nIt\u2019s like my own constitutional amendments\u2026<\/p>\n

1) \u00a0Contrary to what I wrote a year ago, I will NOT be keeping Snickers in my car 100% of the time to have on hand for panhandlers.<\/strong>
\nI piloted this program for several months and after single-handedly eating SIX bags of snack-size Snickers, gaining FOUR pounds, and only passing out ONE candy bar – I\u2019ve decided I MUST come up with another plan or I won\u2019t die of LAM, but Snickers toxicity! Because poverty and homelessness literally keep me awake at night, I\u2019ve got to DO something. Ignoring the issue is not an option for me. I\u2019ve decided I\u2019m going to have Degage vouchers with me at all times to give out to panhandlers. They are coupons from our local inner-city mission that can be redeemed for a meal, bus fare, haircut, or hats and gloves. Even BETTER than a Snickers. Check out your own city mission and see what they offer \u2013 because every city has some (that is, homeless people AND helpful solutions).<\/p>\n

2) \u00a0I will watch less volleyball.<\/strong>
\nI adore my daughter and want to fully support every endeavor that is important to her (and all five of my kids). However, the amount of time that sports are sucking from the life of our generation is sickening and I don\u2019t want to be a part of that madness anymore.<\/p>\n

Our culture has dictated societal \u201cnorms\u201d for sports involvement that simply require more from our family that we\u2019re willing to give. There is a great quote by Krishnamurti that made me realize I was succumbing to a dangerous trend: \u201cIt is no measure of health to be well-adjusted in a profoundly sick society.\u201d<\/p>\n

This lifestyle of dinner-in-the-car, homework-on-the-sidelines, texting-conversations, weekends-at-the-tournament, no-time-for-church, and washing-the-uniform-at-midnight, CANNOT be the best distribution of time that God had in mind when He planned for Christians to be His hands and feet! When we attend every stinkin\u2019 thing our children participate in \u2013 in this world that has run amok with children\u2019s athletics and child-focused activities \u2013 we are actually giving our children TOO much attention and thus making them our false god. Our children need our love and support, not our worship. Maybe if we took our children off the throne, we\u2019d have more time for all the things Jesus told us to be about: the poor, the oppressed, the hungry, the hurting, the marginalized, each other.<\/p>\n

If I really do only have 9 years left to live, I want to have time for friends with cancer, widowed neighbors, young moms with screaming toddlers, teens from the inner-city, the stranger in the backed-up check-out line who looks like he\u2019s ready to cry, AND my kids! I love my kids profoundly \u2013 and by saying I want to give them a little less side-line attention does not mean I love them any less. I just want to try to make the remaining distribution of my limited time a reflection of a heart that breaks for the things that breaks God\u2019s heart. My WHOLE world is not my children.<\/p>\n

3) \u00a0Maybe if I watch less volleyball, I\u2019ll have more time for the things that I didn\u2019t get around to (but really MEANT to!) from last year\u2019s bucket list: ICE CREAM dinners at the trailer park and time with nursing home residents who don\u2019t get any visitors. Or maybe I\u2019ll combine the two and load up my car with kids from the trailer park and together bring 20 gallons of ice cream to the nursing home! To me, that sounds like a taste of heaven.<\/strong><\/p>\n

4) \u00a0And this whole Ferguson mess taught me something: I need to make some black friends.<\/strong>
\nOne of the richest experiences of our lives has been living in Morocco and making true, deep, lasting friendships with Muslims. When Islam has a name, a face, an address, a friendship, it changes your perspective on all things \u201cIslamic\u201d. I love these people in Morocco. And they love me. And so I\u2019m extremely cautious before deriving any kind of conclusion about what is really happening is the Muslim world.
\nDuring the Ferguson debacle, I realized I don\u2019t understand racism in America hardly at all. While in America, I have largely lived in an all-white, middle-class, Christian bubble. I didn\u2019t mean to do that \u2013 it just kind of happened. I certainly don\u2019t know enough black people deeply enough to say I can understand their life or our differences. That fact made me so sad. I tried to keep my mouth shut through all of the debates going on over that mess in Ferguson. Maybe I\u2019ll weigh in when I have a bunch of black friends and feel I understand their hearts better. I\u2019m not talking about exploiting some fake friendships. I really do want some black friends – and I just want to acknowledge that right now I\u2019m ignorant. And ignorant people should keep quiet.<\/p>\n

5) \u00a0This past year has taught me I need to spend LESS time with my mother-in-law\u2026<\/strong>
\nThis is one of the hardest for me because I was wrongly believing that I was the only one who could help her and meet her needs. But what I\u2019ve been failing to do was accept dementia. Dark. Unfair. Cruel. Relentless. And I can\u2019t fix it or make it go away and going to visit her every day was only leaving both of us exhausted. I have to let it go and accept that we are losing her slowly to this ugly disease. I can give her only what I can give her \u2013 no more, but never any less either. This has helped me in other areas of my life, too. I\u2019ve learned I\u2019m a fixer and I hate it when I can\u2019t solve problems or make them go away. But accepting that OUR SAVIOR came, specifically, to carry all our burdens, means that all we have to do is show up. We don\u2019t have to fix them or carry them or worry about them, we just need to be fully present in the midst of them. He really DID come to set us FREE!<\/p>\n

6) \u00a0A year later, and I\u2019m STILL not gonna watch any Reality TV<\/strong> (Sorry all you DWTS fans \u2013 but I just don\u2019t get it) Apparently, however, we as a family are going to occasionally curl up in blankets and absorb five seasons of Parenthood and try to solve issues like autism, teen sex, affairs and cancer with the family Braverman.<\/p>\n

7) \u00a0And on the no dusting and vacuuming vow I made last year\u2026<\/strong> WELLLLLLLL, the truth is really two-fold. One, I\u2019ve learned that a house full of dust and pollen and dog hair is REALLY bad for my failing lungs and I really do want to make those two suckers last as long as possible. And two, when I can write words in the dust on my coffee table, it distracts me so much I can\u2019t even think. So, truth be known, I\u2019ve started dusting again. But not washing windows. And don\u2019t even ASK me what my closets and drawers and laundry room look like. Housework? Paring it down to the necessities \u2013 and it feels so right.<\/p>\n

In fact, THAT\u2019S IT!<\/strong> \u2013 That\u2019s what you do when you feel you\u2019ve been given your expiration date\u2026. You pare it all down to the necessities \u2013 discovering what it is that you truly need and what truly makes you feel most alive!!! Thank-you, Jesus, for coming to earth a baby, living to know all pain and suffering, dying to conquer death, and being ALL that I would truly ever need.<\/p>\n

\u201cFor lo, I bring you good news of great joy that shall be for all people. For unto you is born this day, in the city of David, a Savior, who is Christ the Lord.\u201d Luke 2: 10, 11<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

It has been a year since I was diagnosed with Lymphangioleiomyomatosis (LAM) a helluva stupid lung disease that is slowly consuming my lung tissue and sucking the life from me. There is no cure. It has been a hard year \u2013 and my disease has progressed even though I specifically, repeatedly, desperately asked God to […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"nf_dc_page":"","om_disable_all_campaigns":false,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"_genesis_hide_title":false,"_genesis_hide_breadcrumbs":false,"_genesis_hide_singular_image":false,"_genesis_hide_footer_widgets":false,"_genesis_custom_body_class":"","_genesis_custom_post_class":"","_genesis_layout":"","_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[23,25,32,36],"tags":[69,86,93,94],"yoast_head":"\n