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Suffering Archives - Cindy DeBoer https://cindydeboer.com/category/suffering/ Wed, 22 Nov 2023 06:11:39 +0000 en-US hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=6.5.2 https://i0.wp.com/cindydeboer.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/cindydeboericon.png?fit=32%2C32&ssl=1 Suffering Archives - Cindy DeBoer https://cindydeboer.com/category/suffering/ 32 32 184530663 It’s Been Ten Years… So Why Am I (still) Alive? https://cindydeboer.com/2023/11/22/its-been-ten-years-so-why-am-i-still-alive/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=its-been-ten-years-so-why-am-i-still-alive https://cindydeboer.com/2023/11/22/its-been-ten-years-so-why-am-i-still-alive/#comments Wed, 22 Nov 2023 06:11:32 +0000 https://cindydeboer.com/?p=4367 On the day before Thanksgiving, 2013, in a closet-sized, moldy-smelling exam room, a University of Michigan pulmonologist confirmed my fear: the shortness of breath I’d been experiencing was due to a rare, progressive, degenerative, and often terminal lung disease, Lymphangioleiomyomatosis (LAM). Paul and I sobbed the entire drive home from Ann Arbor. Not surprisingly, a […]

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]]> https://cindydeboer.com/2023/11/22/its-been-ten-years-so-why-am-i-still-alive/feed/ 10 4367 Leaky Breasts and Other Hot Messes https://cindydeboer.com/2023/04/13/leaky-breasts-and-other-hot-messes/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=leaky-breasts-and-other-hot-messes https://cindydeboer.com/2023/04/13/leaky-breasts-and-other-hot-messes/#comments Thu, 13 Apr 2023 20:56:02 +0000 https://cindydeboer.com/?p=4332 Recently, while at work at the psychiatric hospital, I caught a glimpse of myself in a patient’s bathroom mirror and noticed a large wet spot on my t-shirt just below my left breast. It was an odd location for a spill, but I chalked it up to my clumsiness and threw on a hoodie to […]

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]]> https://cindydeboer.com/2023/04/13/leaky-breasts-and-other-hot-messes/feed/ 2 4332 Same Kind of Wounds as Me https://cindydeboer.com/2022/04/07/same-kind-of-wounds-as-me/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=same-kind-of-wounds-as-me https://cindydeboer.com/2022/04/07/same-kind-of-wounds-as-me/#comments Thu, 07 Apr 2022 17:07:13 +0000 https://cindydeboer.com/?p=4302 I noticed her and those tell-tale marks on her face from far across the room. At the first break of our writer’s conference, I ran over to her, breathless with anticipation. “Hey, I don’t mean to be weird or anything, but I notice that you have nasal cannula indentations on your cheeks, and I know […]

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]]> https://cindydeboer.com/2022/04/07/same-kind-of-wounds-as-me/feed/ 20 4302 Ode To A Lumpy Body https://cindydeboer.com/2022/02/18/ode-to-a-lumpy-body/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=ode-to-a-lumpy-body https://cindydeboer.com/2022/02/18/ode-to-a-lumpy-body/#comments Fri, 18 Feb 2022 16:33:30 +0000 https://cindydeboer.com/?p=4290 Hairy legs and sun-burnt nose When at the beach, anything goes. Unbrushed teeth and happy-hour drinks This much I know: my breath stinks. Fish for dinner plus a fruity potion Diet be damned, I'm at the ocean. Sand in my bed, and in my salt-fried hair, Sir, what is the time? Wait. Why do I […]

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]]> https://cindydeboer.com/2022/02/18/ode-to-a-lumpy-body/feed/ 16 4290 Invisibly Dying – A Lament For Those With Chronic Illness https://cindydeboer.com/2022/01/15/invisibly-dying-a-lament-for-those-with-chronic-illness/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=invisibly-dying-a-lament-for-those-with-chronic-illness https://cindydeboer.com/2022/01/15/invisibly-dying-a-lament-for-those-with-chronic-illness/#comments Sat, 15 Jan 2022 22:01:17 +0000 https://cindydeboer.com/?p=4275 Our ancient windows are no match for this stiff north wind. Our curtains tremble – just like me. Neighbors on both sides are sleeping. I know this for sure. These urban homes practically touch – holding hands across shared driveways - making daily routines no secret. But the rest of our quirky neighborhood will keep […]

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]]> https://cindydeboer.com/2022/01/15/invisibly-dying-a-lament-for-those-with-chronic-illness/feed/ 27 4275 I Will Send You Flowers https://cindydeboer.com/2021/02/25/i-will-send-you-flowers/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=i-will-send-you-flowers https://cindydeboer.com/2021/02/25/i-will-send-you-flowers/#comments Thu, 25 Feb 2021 03:36:41 +0000 http://cindydeboer.com/?p=4163 I first realized I had a problem in the middle of the night. Since Mr. Insomnia is a regular third partner in our marriage bed, it was nothing new for me to still be wide awake at 3 a.m. But as I stared blankly at the ceiling for what felt like hours, the dark thoughts […]

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]]> https://cindydeboer.com/2021/02/25/i-will-send-you-flowers/feed/ 32 4163 How to Launch Into Winter with COVID All Around Us https://cindydeboer.com/2020/10/15/how-to-launch-into-winter-with-covid-all-around-us/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=how-to-launch-into-winter-with-covid-all-around-us https://cindydeboer.com/2020/10/15/how-to-launch-into-winter-with-covid-all-around-us/#comments Thu, 15 Oct 2020 19:12:24 +0000 https://cindydeboer.com/?p=3769 My stupid COVID dog (not that she has it, but we bought her because of it) woke me up way too early one morning. I wouldn’t mind if our Governor mandated all humans shall not stir before 8:00 a.m. Vie (my COVID dog’s name – which is French for “life”) needs a walk immediately upon […]

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]]> https://cindydeboer.com/2020/10/15/how-to-launch-into-winter-with-covid-all-around-us/feed/ 10 3769 Every Rose Has It's Thorns (or why America is in a crap-load of trouble) https://cindydeboer.com/2020/07/02/every-rose-has-its-thorns-or-why-america-is-in-a-crap-load-of-trouble/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=every-rose-has-its-thorns-or-why-america-is-in-a-crap-load-of-trouble https://cindydeboer.com/2020/07/02/every-rose-has-its-thorns-or-why-america-is-in-a-crap-load-of-trouble/#comments Thu, 02 Jul 2020 22:20:41 +0000 https://cindydeboer.com/?p=3438 The last movie we saw before that devilish virus shut down all the theatres was “I Still Believe.” I’m still not sure if it was KJ Apa’s impish little grin or the story line that made me so emotional and bawl like a baby. Either way – the film is incredible and if you love […]

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]]> https://cindydeboer.com/2020/07/02/every-rose-has-its-thorns-or-why-america-is-in-a-crap-load-of-trouble/feed/ 12 3438 When Is It Time To Let Me Die? https://cindydeboer.com/2020/05/07/when-is-it-time-to-let-me-die/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=when-is-it-time-to-let-me-die https://cindydeboer.com/2020/05/07/when-is-it-time-to-let-me-die/#comments Thu, 07 May 2020 18:51:59 +0000 https://cindydeboer.com/?p=3144 My doctor is very clear, if I get CVD-19, it will not go well for me. My stupid lung-sucking disease puts me in the small minority of the population for whom the rest of you are being quarantined. Perhaps you’re experiencing some of the same vacillating opinions as me where one day (maybe even one […]

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]]> https://cindydeboer.com/2020/05/07/when-is-it-time-to-let-me-die/feed/ 26 3144 Derailed https://cindydeboer.com/2020/03/05/derailed/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=derailed https://cindydeboer.com/2020/03/05/derailed/#comments Thu, 05 Mar 2020 20:14:27 +0000 https://cindydeboer.com/?p=2608 We became empty nesters last August. Because I feared boredom and purposelessness – as well as the fact my medications cost an astronomical amount and my employment offers better prescription coverage – I decided to go back to work full-time. Additionally, after shelving my career for 20 years to raise kids, I was excited to […]

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