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France

Do You and I Have Blood-Dripping Fangs?

July 21, 2022 by Cindy DeBoer 3 Comments

Paul and I have a Libyan friend who, despite growing up in nearly 100% Muslim Libya and being raised by a devout Muslim family, converted to Christianity as a young adult after learning about Jesus on Christian satellite radio. Our friend, whom I’ll call Mourad, (his life would literally be in jeopardy if his Christianity were revealed) shared with us his account of the first time he ever traveled outside of Libya.

Paris train station

Mourad had been invited to a Christian conference in France to share his experience of life as an “underground” Libyan Christian. He told us he was both thrilled and terrified to leave the comfort and safety of the only home, city, and country he had ever known. After successfully navigating the airport in Paris, Mourad stumbled his way around the city until he found the train station where he’d board a train to his final destination. With an hour to burn, Mourad eyed a coffee/food kiosk and decided to grab a bite to eat.

Concerned the barista wouldn’t understand his French (he had only used online tutorial sites for a few weeks now), Mourad practiced his order while waiting in line: “short black coffee” and a “croissant almondine.” He was so surprised when she understood him! But he was even more surprised when he understood the barista’s response when she brought him the two items, looked at his credit card and said, “I’m sorry. Cash only. Our card machine is broken.” Mourad panicked. He didn’t have any Euros – only Libyan dinars. His eyes darted around the train station hoping to find a hidden ATM. He saw none. He felt his cheeks redden and worried the growing line of people behind him were frustrated. He silently chastised himself for choosing to wear his Libyan jellaba which was a clear indication of his religious affiliation, not to mention his nationality. He was contemplating just walking away when he felt a light tap on his shoulder. Mourad described it this way:

“I turned around and here’s this tiny little lady – maybe 80 or 85 years old. She didn’t even reach my chest. She smelled like roses and coffee and her eyes sparkled when she talked. She smiled at me and said, ‘Let me pay for it. You appear to be new to France and I like to welcome new people. I’ll pay this time and maybe someday you can do the same for someone else.’ I thanked her but then told her I didn’t accept money from strangers. So, she extends her tiny worn hand to me and says, ‘Hi, I’m Elsa Benowitz. Now I am your friend. Now you can let me pay!’ Then she actually winked at me and told me to grab my food and have a good day!

.

I was flabbergasted. I knew immediately she was a Jew. A name like Benowitz can only be Jewish. But as I looked at this sweet, tiny, generous woman before me, my mind pounded like a jackhammer. I couldn’t make any sense of it. My whole life I’d been told that Jews have blood-dripping fangs – that their blood-lust toward Muslims is so profound they will lunge at you. I was told their eyes are so full of evil, you can identify them simply by their glare. Muslims in Libya believe Jews have a certain smell – the smell of blood – and that when they meet Muslims, they will either spit at you, hurt you, or kill you. This sweet woman in front of me was the antithesis of all that. I’m sure she assumed I was Muslim, but she emanated kindness and love. She even shook my hand and paid for my lunch!

.

I’m an educated young man. I’ve graduated from university, have a prestigious career and now I am a Christian. I know how to think logically and rationally and make sound deductions from evidence. I know how ridiculous it must sound that I believed Jews were ‘blood-thirsty pigs’ whose primary goal is to kill Muslims and eliminate the Islamic faith. I know now it is unfathomable that I truly believed Jews had fangs and wanted to suck our blood – but I did. For 25 years, that is all I had been told and I had every reason to believe it based on hearsay. I had never met a Jew. But in that moment, at that little coffee stand in a French train station, my world of beliefs came crashing down. I was forced to reconcile everything I’d been told to what I was seeing before me: a kind, compassionate human being.”

Mourad shared that story with us nearly 10 years after it occurred, yet he still choked back the tears as he recalled the moment his heart was forever changed toward Jewish people by simply encountering one elderly Jewish woman.

I think this story serves as a powerful reminder for those of us who strictly adhere to a narrative that we’ve only been told – something we’ve never questioned, explored, or researched. Sometimes, without even meaning to, we end up on a path that we did not choose but others put us on.

For way too long now, major news outlets – Fox News, CNN, MSNBC, all of them! – have been telling us what to think and believe about those who disagree with us. They spend more time telling us how “evil” the other side is than they do telling us the news. If you don’t believe me, take just 15 minutes during primetime to watch the channel that is opposite of what you usually watch. Within minutes, you will be cringing because the narrative insists “the other side” (which is talking about YOUR side) is hateful, deceitful, heartless, and selfish and whose goal is to destroy America and destroy “the other.” Sound familiar? Cable news may not be suggesting “the other side” has fangs and will suck your blood, but it’s not too far off.

Maybe – just maybe – we need to think (critically) for ourselves and draw our own informed conclusions about people, issues and problems and not listen to a group of people who make money from building a viewership.

When our kids were young, we always told them to think for themselves and to not decide how they felt about someone until after they’ve had personal experience. Kids are notorious for telling other kids how to think and act: “Don’t play with Susan. She’s mean.” “Don’t sign up for that teacher. She isn’t fair.” “You’re gonna hate that coach, he plays favorites.” We’d often remind our kids that the perceptions of others DO NOT HAVE TO BECOME YOURS. We would say, “Decide for yourself how you feel about these people.”

I bet you’ve told your kids the same thing.

“When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put aside childish things.” 1 Corinthians 13:11

So why do we find ourselves today conforming to a culture of hate and divisiveness based on what news sources are peddling? Even now as adults, we are listening to voices that insist they have the corner on the truth – these “kids” on the playground of life who are saying, “Listen to me! I know what you should feel and think!” I cannot imagine I’m making a revolutionary statement here, but I feel I need to say it: NO media outlet has the corner on truth. None.

I know this because of personal experiences that refute the narrative of hate that BOTH sides are trying to propagate. The only thing I can know FOR CERTAIN comes from what I’ve actually experienced. And in my experience, it has been unanimously true that whenever I have met someone who is unlike myself – whether that be in religion, politics, socioeconomic status, ethnicity, or sexuality – it altered my previous belief and feelings that had only been “handed” to me from someone else.

God became BIGGER to Mourad the day he saw Jews as actual image bearers of the one true God and I think the same awareness is available to all of us when we meet and engage with others who are not mirror images of ourselves.

May we all be a little more like Mourad.

Filed Under: Finding truth, France, Muslims, Prayer, Trusting God Tagged With: JESUS, TRUST, WISDOM

How to Launch Into Winter with COVID All Around Us

October 15, 2020 by Cindy DeBoer 10 Comments

My stupid COVID dog (not that she has it, but we bought her because of it) woke me up way too early one morning. I wouldn’t mind if our Governor mandated all humans shall not stir before 8:00 a.m.

Vie (my COVID dog’s name – which is French for “life”) needs a walk immediately upon waking or she’ll poop in the house. So at the crack of dawn I headed outdoors in my pajamas for a dog walk.

With sleepy-eyes and morning breath I bumped into my neighbor just two doors down. She was loading her last piece of luggage into her car before heading to the airport. She was meeting up with her parents so they could tearfully send her off to live in the Middle East. She’s young (25?), very blonde, very attractive, and traveling solo to teach at a high school in Afghanistan. Yes, you heard that right:

Af-freakin’-ghanistan.

God knew this one last impromptu meeting was needed by both of us. We had a precious exchange there on the sidewalk and I was able to send her off with a blessing. With mutual  tears, she departed. I wondered how in the world her parents were handling this. Afghanistan. Who even does that? (Okay…. So maybe I did that. But WE went as a family. I had a brave husband at my side along with two strapping, tall teenaged sons and two very confident daughters. I was not ALONE. And Morocco is no Afghanistan. Not even close. People actually take vacations to Morocco.)

Before I had much of a chance to process the bravery of this young woman, I turned the corner and ran into a homeless man. He was picking at garbage in the park across from our home and so I greeted him warmly, “Hello!”

He launched into a rambling apology, “I’m sorry. So sorry. We didn’t mean it. We’re leaving.” It was then I noticed his tent that was erected just beyond the children’s play area. A second man was exiting their “home” as we spoke.

“Sorry for what?” I asked.

Without making further eye contact, he shuffled away saying, “We slept too long. We’ll be gone soon. So sorry.”

Homelessness in Grand Rapids is a thing – as I imagine it is in every city. But I’ve heard we are known as a destination for the homeless because we have plenty of shelters and food distribution centers, clean parks, friendly police and a plethora of Christian organizations that will do anything to help. But COVID has definitely made the homeless issue worse here in GR.

One thing I know for sure: Homelessness is not of the kingdom of God. This is not the way things are supposed to be.

I quickly realized the reason my stupid COVID dog woke me up so early is because God knew I needed to run into my Afghanistan-bound neighbor and my neighbors with no home because I needed the reminder that life is rarely what we thought it’d be or even what it’s supposed to be.

Watching my neighbor leave for Afghanistan I thought, “I bet when she was born and her parents first saw her rosy little cheeks, blonde tufts of hair and blue eyes they never once thought: “I hope that someday this one will move to Afghanistan all alone – a place where young beautiful blondes really stand out and American’s are not particularly welcome.”

I bet her parents never once imagined this for her future. But…

“A man’s heart plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps and establishes them.” Proverbs 16:9

I bet when my two homeless neighbors were in high school, they never once thought to themselves, “I hope someday I will be without a home. I just know that I’ll end up jobless, with no prospects, and unable to secure safe shelter.”

 But…. “A man’s heart plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps and establishes them.”

We were invited to 3 weddings this fall where the bride and groom watched many lifelong dreams shatter as they moved up their wedding date, changed the venue, and shrunk the guest list due to COVID.

But… “A man’s heart plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps and establishes them.”

Our college graduate daughter was supposed to be living abroad in France or Spain or Honduras right now developing her language skills but instead she is home here with us working as a barista.

Because a man’s heart plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps and establishes them.

Referencing changed plans and directions is not meant in any way to minimize those who have lost loved ones from COVID. Those losses are incalculable and we can’t even begin to make sense of that. But I think that, without exception, we ALL had plans, dreams, and hopes for 2020 that look nothing like the 2020 we’re living. It wasn’t supposed to be like this.

THESE WERE NOT OUR PLANS, GOD!!! DO YOU REALLY KNOW WHAT YOU’RE DOING???

Never before have we all been so at the mercy of the Lord’s plans. We can barely plan next week, let alone next month or next year.

But one beautiful takeaway of this COVID reality is to realize I am not in charge of me and you are not in charge of you. We can plan all we want and hope and dream and whine when these things may have to be changed, cancelled, or never come to fruition – but the truth is that The Lord Our God alone is sovereign and we can never take his place on that throne no matter how much we think we belong there.

We can only surrender our plans and trust Him.

That’s it.

That’s all.

Whether in Afghanistan, a COVID-unit at the hospital, the Champs-Elysees in Paris, in a tent in the park, or stuck under the same roof between the same 4 walls for an entire year, the Lord has indeed directed those steps and he alone establishes those steps that lead us into our futures.

Filed Under: City Life, Contentment, COVID-19, France, Homelessness, Joy in the Journey, Life Overseas, Michigan, Suffering Tagged With: Afghanistan, COVID-19, Homelessness, Proverbs

Is it possible that snow in April, stupid lung diseases, and other atrocities could be good for us?

April 11, 2019 by Cindy DeBoer 5 Comments

We lived in the most glorious, sunny, mountainous and palm-treed locations both times that we lived abroad. Aix-en-Provence, France and Casablanca, Morocco are two dreamy places to have once been called “home”.

While living abroad, we met people from all over the states, as well as from around the world. Then we all moved on and returned to our “homeland” which means we now have friends scattered around the globe.

Visiting some of our friends in Southern California for the first time changed everything for me and my “Best Places In the World to Live” list. To be honest, my first thought when I encountered the beauty of southern California was not that I wished to live there, but one of feeling sorry for my Californian friends.

Let me explain:
To me, the south of France and Morocco were these magical, breathtakingly beautiful holy sites where God revealed Himself to me. I cried the first time I saw the French Alps, the Mediterranean Sea, the palm-tree lined streets of Casablanca, and the Sahara Desert (to be fair, I do cry a lot…) Every time I encountered new beauty my Michigan-eyes had never known, I was left speechless, breathless, and entered a holy state of worship for a God who could (and would) create such beauty. My Michigan-eyes had beheld a LOT of glorious things in our mitten state, but just nothing like mountains, ocean, desert, palm trees, oh – and that elusive SUNSHINE!!! (Today, on April 11, it snowed in Grand Rapids, Michigan. Need I say more???)

So when on my inaugural trip to California I discovered identical beauty – mountains, ocean, desert, palm trees, sunshine (which can all be seen AT THE SAME TIME, for heavens sake!) – I realized that there was NO WAY my Californian friends could have felt the same depth, love, and appreciation that I did while we all lived in France and Morocco. There is no way that they woke up every day and said, “Lord have mercy! Another sunny day!” (as I did). There is no way they took endless pictures of palm trees (as I did). There is no way they walked the beaches every day and said, “God in heaven, help me to carry this moment with me forever – even into the polar vortex that is bound to hit in the middle of my future Michigan winters” (as I did).

I was CAPTIVATED by the weather and the landscape of those two countries – but only because I come from a backdrop of cold, snowy, and relatively flat Michigan. My California friends who also lived in France and Morocco with us must have greeted each new day with “Just another day in paradise.”

And that difference in our two experiences is such a CRUCIAL thing for us to remember when life gets hard, ugly, disappointing or blizzard-y.

A light shines brighter against a backdrop of darkness.
Comfort is only as comfortable to the degree of discomfort it relieves.
Joy is only as joyful as the sorrow from which it rescues.
Pain relief is only helpful to the degree of suffering it relieves.
God is only as good as to the depth of which we recognize our sin and need of a Savior.

**********

When we meet people who (seem) to come from a very “charmed” life – who basically seem to escape all suffering in this life (they are smart, rich, thin, never struggled with teenage acne, their kids all make good choices, no cancer, disease, or disorders, no bad hair days, and their dog never poops on the living room rug… Kind of like the sun is always shining in their lives. You know the type…) well, it is tempting for us to wish we were them. It seems like THAT would be the life we all want and should strive (pray) for.

But I wonder…. I wonder if we’d be missing out on some very important things God wants to show us if our lives were void of the pain, the messy, the heartache (the snow?) I wonder if there are actually parts of GOD we would not know if we never knew pain, suffering, hurt and loss.

Why are we given so many different names for God if we’d never need them? If we all pursued and achieved the “charmed” life without any pain and suffering, certainly there are attributes of God we would never know.
 
How can we know God as our DELIVERER if we’re never in a horrible place from which we need delivering?
How can we know God as our COMFORTER if we’ve never been uncomfortable?
How can we know God as our HEALER and GREAT PHYSICIAN if we’ve never known illness or disease or suffered emotional/spiritual brokenness?
How can we know God as our PROVIDER if we’ve never ached for provision?
How can we know our God, the PRINCE OF PEACE if we’ve spent our whole lives avoiding conflict, running from adversity, never challenged?
How can we know our God, the SANCTUARY, if we’ve never been in a place of needing protection?
How can we know God as a REFUGE FROM THE STORM if our lives are always “sunny”?
How can we know God as the BREATH OF LIFE if we never recognize our desperate need for Him in ALL things?
How can we know God as our SHEPHERD if we never see ourselves as lowly sheep?
 
I’m not in any way suggesting we shouldn’t live in California! Nor am I saying God gives suffering – I believe HE IS PERFECT and would never author pain, loss, and suffering. But I do believe, with all my heart, that through the suffering we discover a God we hadn’t previously known – and we come to experience Him and love Him more fully, deeper and truer.

And, after all, isn’t that what He wants most from us???

Filed Under: France, Life Overseas, Michigan, Morocco, Suffering, Terminal Illness, Uncategorized Tagged With: CANCER, JOY, MICHIGAN, MOROCCO

Then Sings My Soul

November 21, 2018 by Cindy DeBoer 12 Comments

IMG_4913 (1)
This is us – in France – because I’m determined to live “all-in” until God calls me home.

Five years ago today I found out I’m dying. People try to make me feel better by saying: “Aren’t we all?” But five years ago today, they told me I had a lung disease that would most likely take my life many years prematurely.

Since that dreadful pre-Thanksgiving day in 2013, I’ve learned a lot about LAM and so has the medical community at large. We’ve learned that early diagnosis improves prognosis and with increased awareness of this rare disease, we’re starting to diagnose sooner. Since being diagnosed, the FDA has approved a chemo-drug that slows down the progression of the disease. The drug sucks – I get all the side-affects – but I’m still thankful for it because it does seem to have slowed my case of this lung-sucking disease. Many women aren’t so fortunate – it seems younger women get a more progressive case of the disease and some have lost their lives only five years after diagnosis.

When I was first diagnosed, all the literature said 10 years was the average life expectancy with LAM. Now, with our new ass-kicking drug and earlier diagnosis, many are saying prognosis could be much longer – perhaps even 20 – 25 years! It all depends if you get the “fast track” or the “slow track”. I’ve never been very fast at anything, so I’m figuring my odds are good.

Plus, I feel great. I totally live my life with hardly any concessions. I’m more tired than I’d like to be, but that seems to be the pandemic American curse and so I’ll never know if that is LAM or life. I like naps, but who doesn’t? And my other middle-age friends (the honest ones, anyway), say they’ll steal a nap whenever they can, too! I cannot, however, climb too many stairs at a time and our four level home is soon to become an issue. I don’t know what the heck the deal is with stairs – I feel like I could climb a tree, but not stairs.

It’s weird.

Five years ago I wrote about my initial reaction to getting LAM.  At the time, I thought I’d be fortunate if I were able to live 10 years. I am more optimistic today, but still look at every new year as a total gift – one God didn’t have to grant me.

Every day, every breath – a gift.

But I’m also reminded almost every day that I am not exactly healthy. The worst – the VERY worst thing about LAM thus far has been the slow revelation that I cannot sing like I used to. Last week in church the worship leader picked out the best, most awe-inspiring worship songs ever and as I tried to belt out the alto part, I lost my breath. A lot. I was gasping for air and had to stop singing. Then came a coughing fit. This now happens every week in church.

Those that know me best know how I adore music. It’s always playing in our home, my car, my head. When we built our dream home (that we later sold – to live more simply so others could simply live) I told my husband I wanted central stereo more than I wanted central plumbing! (He graciously granted me both.) I like ALL things musical – instrumental music, piano, orchestra, opera, concerts, musicals AND all genres of singers/bands. On one playlist I have Maroon 5, Queen, the Civil Wars, Lady Antebellum and Mercy Me – no joke. Our last two music concerts were Justin Timberlake and Ben Rector. If it has a musical note attached, I’ll listen. And, despite a ridiculous high probability I’ll get the words wrong, I’ll ALWAYS sing along!!!

The thing is, this past Sunday, when I lost my breath and couldn’t continue singing, we were smack-dab in the middle of How Great Thou Art – the place in the song with that bone-tingling crescendo. You know it. No one can help but belt out this line: THEN SINGS MY SOUL, MY SAVIOR GOD TO THEE…

Did you hear that? How amazing is that??? My voice need not sing, because:

THEN SINGS MY SOUL!!!

Oh the joy I felt! My soul can sing! Forever and ever amen – NO DISEASE can ever stop my soul from singing!!

At that moment, I noticed that both my husband (to my left) and my daughter (to my right) were singing at the top of their lungs: THEN SINGS MY SOUL, MY SAVIOR GOD TO THEE…. A row behind us was a rich, full baritone voice harmonizing in the bass clef. Somewhere, very close by, because all I could do was listen at this point, I heard a powerful soprano singing at the top of her lungs. She gave me chills. And the “choir” surrounding me there in church seemed to be encircling me, saying, “No worries, Cindy, we got you covered.”

They did not know it, but they were carrying me that day – they helped me feel and know the music and assured me that I always have been, and always will be able to say to my God: How Great Thou Art.

Even though, to us (our entire family), life feels like it may always be a series of loss upon loss upon loss from here on out, miraculously, there also seems to be an invisible net that keeps us from falling – splat – onto the cement bottom of life. With every loss, I truly anticipated the fall – hitting hard pavement – splayed out and bloody with zero chance of recovery.

But it never happened.

Somehow, some supernatural hand grabbed me from my belt loops and snatched me up and carried me back to the functioning world.

Many times I didn’t want to keep functioning. Sometimes I felt the darkness of depression sneaking in and it made me want to scream at people or at the very least, ignore them. Sometimes I wanted to stay in bed all day and pretend Heidi is still alive. Sometimes, still, I want to run and run and run and see if my lungs will explode. Sometimes I want to run far away and move to Aix-en-Provence, France and just pretend the problems of this world aren’t real.

But that same supernatural hand that reached down and pulled me from certain pavement splattering, draws me back with supernatural power to life.

He tells me it will all be worth it in the end – that all this pain and suffering is not wasted if I choose to grow from it. He lovingly shows me all the things that make life worth living for – even if I can’t sing anymore. He sweetly reminds me that if I’m still living, then I’m supposed to be here.

Five years later. Another pre-Thanksgiving day – another reminder that my lungs are giving out on me. But it also reminds me that my soul shall never cease the singing of His praises. No one can ever snatch that away from me.

And for that, I can truly be thankful.

THEN SINGS MY SOUL,
MY SAVIOR GOD TO THEE,
HOW GREAT THOU ART,
HOW GREAT THOU ART
 

Filed Under: France, Joy in the Journey, Lymphangioleiomyomatosis, Suffering, Terminal Illness, Uncategorized

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