I’m way too young to die. But I was forced to come to terms with my mortality this past year.
At the same time, I’m also way too old – having had too many life-changing experiences – to capture the essence of this one, wild and precious life in a few short paragraphs. So I decided to write a book and a few close friends told me it wasn’t totally garbage. And some brave day I’m going to try to get that sucker published – just so, you know, a few crazy people can read it if God leads them to it.
However, for those who care about “About” – here’s the story: I loved Jesus my whole life – I just couldn’t fathom that He loved me. But when, after 12 years of marriage, my husband and I finally got REAL with each other, confessed past sins and offered forgiveness, I discovered Jesus’ love for me and I learned how to truly love myself – which is a prerequisite to loving others. When Paul and I opened our hearts up to “the others” in our lives – things got crazy.
We sold the “big house” and lots of other stuff, visited Guatemala a bunch of times, adopted a child, moved overseas (twice), and raised our amazing four children in foreign countries for a large part of their lives. And we messed those kids up royally in the most beautiful, Jesus-y way. We started moving DOWN the corporate ladder, by choice, like THAT was our job. And this extraordinary paradox unfolded: The more we walked away from “stuff”, money, power and prestige, the more alive we became. The more we walked into the lives of people very different from ourselves, the more alive we became. And the more we emptied ourselves of ourselves, the more alive we became.
We had to leave a crap-load of “stuff” behind, both literal and figurative, as we embarked on this journey of aliveness and surrender. But it felt good and right even though it was hard and challenging, and it felt like we were honoring God and we decided we’d never want to go back to the people we were before.
And then one day – out of seemingly nowhere – I was diagnosed with Lymphangeoleiomyomatosis (see blog post If I only had 10 more years to live:). And I had to come to terms with the fact that even if God were asking me to lay down my VERY LIFE – I would still, just as He promised, become more alive.
“For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will find it. What good will it be for someone to gain the whole world, yet forfeit their soul?” Words of Jesus, Matthew 16:25