My car died a couple of months ago – on the way to work and in the middle of the highway, no less. It made me terribly late as well as the recipient of many honks and obscene gestures from all the busy and important people whose cars never break down.
But, as luck would have it, she died the day before we dropped our last child off at university. And last child has a car she wonât be using at school, so itâs not like I was carless. HoweverâŚ. Said car is peppered with dents, scrapes, and scars from years of inexperienced teenage drivers. Said car has a long yellow scratch where older sister nearly took out a fire hydrant. Said car has itâs bumper held on with zip-ties. Said car smells like sweaty teenagers. Said car sits so low, I have to do a power-squat to get in and out. Said carâs trunk doesnât like to stay shut and will sometimes fly open while Iâm doing 80 on the highway. Said car is covered with hip bumper stickers I donât really understand.
You get the drift. Not exactly a car a 50-something professional likes to hop into on her way to work at the psychiatric hospitalâŚ
Iâve noticed that itâs not as if this car is simply OUR FAMILYâS dumpiest car ever â but that wherever I go – grocery store, hospital, church, restaurants – the car is always THE DUMPIEST in the entire lot! I sense extra eyes on me as I, a (hopefully and somewhat) accomplished looking middle-aged woman, climb into a beat-up, 20 yr. old coupe that screams âHIGH SCHOOL!â I keep wondering what they are thinking about me and I find myself wanting to shout to perfect strangers, âItâs not mine â itâs my teenagerâs car!â
At first I found it funny and laughed it off when people looked at me slant eyed. But lately, Iâve noticed a little corner piece of my soul thatâs not okay and itâs been feeling a lot like embarassment. And that reality has been hitting me hard. Paul and I have prided ourselves in kissing materialism good-bye and it is one of the main themes of my upcoming book. Why in the world do I suddenly care about the car Iâm driving?
Iâm completely flummoxed by my own insecurities and ashamed that Iâm dealing with something I thought I killed and buried 20 years ago.
A sermon I used to preach to the kids has been echoing in my head: You do NOT need to impress others. You are completely who you are with or without any âembellishments.â You are smart, beautiful, important and good â and it matters NOT what you do or donât have. Your true friends are those who love you for who you are deep down â not how you present yourself or how impressive you appear. They love you just the way you are.
Ahhhhh â there, Cindy, that is the message. Who you trying to impress anyway? Who cares what other people think? The only people that matter are those that know you and love you just the way you are â no matter what kind of piece of crap car youâre drivingâŚ.
So this past week I drove the crap car to work with the window down the whole way. I wanted to check my hair before getting out of the car, and when I flipped open the mirror, lo and behold, this is what I found:
Clearly, my teenage daughter had put it there for herself to serve as a powerful reminder she didn’t need to worry about appearances, but dang, I sure needed this message, too! I needed to be reminded that God loves ME more than I can fathom and that my value and worth have absolutely nothing to do with the house I live in, the clothes I wear, the college degrees Iâve earned, or the cars I drive. God doesnât see any of that. He just sees me. And He calls it beautiful.
We cannot impress our way into the kingdom â it is simply a gift. God looks at us and sees all the dents, the dings, the scratches and many hard-earned miles and doesnât care. He sees beyond all that and says, âYou are enough. Just you. I love you just the way you are.â
Now, we could just run out and buy another car and get a new shiny impressive one â but we also have THIS saying in our house: Just because you can afford something doesnât make it right. MAYBE, just MAYBE God wanted us to drive a crap car for a while to really contemplate our inherent worth.
Because that crap car has been a beautiful reminder of Godâs goodness and mercy and that I need to do NOTHING to impress Him, we are STILL driving the crap car all over town! It reminds me that God sees my soul and calls me worthy despite my sin.
So good. So true. Thank you for saying it. I join you in trying to lay another thing down.
Why is it every time I read one of your posts I find myself smiling (or chuckling) all the way through? đ I guess— 1. Because you’re such a great writer! 2. because you are so honest and insightful 3. because i just plain enjoy everything you write! Your book is gonna be so good!
I love this and can relate! Thank you for the reminders! Karen Ruis
Great reminder Cindy! Love this.
Thank you for the “beautiful” reminder! I was so happy to see you put in writing, “The book I am writing!” You know how long I have been waiting for you to actually get these thoughts into a book. I just knew someday I would be reading a book written by you and share it with many others! Can’t wait! In the meantime, the blogs are enough to fill my soul!
Cindy,
Thank you again for the most important reminder of all. We get so inundated with information that the most basic and profound âGood Newsâ just breezes on by! So timely for me. Thanks! Love you!
The older I get, the less I worry about what others think about me. It is both freeing and rewarding to be more concerned about pleasing our Lord than man. . Thanks for this reminder Cindy đ
Love you!
When you write it always hits home. Thank you for your honesty and no judgment. Your a fabulous writer. Canât wait for your book. đ